life of a broke college student.

Why is it that I’m such an “easy target”? People always talk shit to me and say all this non sense to me. And I just sit there and take it, because if I stand up for myself and tell them off they’ll say “you get offended easily” or “Why are you butt hurt? We’re just kidding.” And when I dont say anything and just sit there and take it people ask me “Why dont you stand up for your self or fight back?” If I say or do some thing I get butt hurt or offended too easily. And if I dont say or do anything I’m a fuckin push over. No matter where I go or who I’m with, its always the same case. I’m the joke of the crowd. I’m the one that always gets picked on. At first I dont mind if its once in a while just because everyone “picks on each other” and that’s how people start to get along. But once it happens constantly and every fuckin day it gets really old and fuckin annoying. To the point where I can’t stand it and choose to just not hang out with those people anymore or just not really say anything to them. And in the end the friendship of what used to be so good and close disappears. If people say that they know me and all that then shouldn’t they know how i feel after they continuously pick on me? This seems to happen to me where ever I go. When I was home, and now here in LA. Sometimes when people criticize me and talk so much crap to me that it really does get to me and they get in my head. To the point where I can’t even talk to my boyfriend about it and he just holds me while I cry or tear up.. This has been happening too often… This just doesn’t work out for me. Because when I try to stick up for myself and say something, I can’t. I feel awful that they feel awful because I said or did something. So it just makes it that much easier for me to just not say anything and take it. That’s why I just sit there and listen to all the shit they say to me.. I mean I’m sure that they realize it but the next day it’ll happen again. I don’t want to seem like the victim but idk it’s just how I’ve been feeling these past couple months. And I honestly can’t wait to go home and get away for a weekend.  Sometimes I think that it’s my fault that things start to go bad because I start to isolate myself and hang out with other people, but then I think to myself, and it’s like why the hell do I wanna sit there and hear people constantly pick on me and talk shit when I can just be with other people and having a good time.. IDK Maybe being away from home makes me go crazy.. Sometimes I think maybe I’m meant to be alone for the rest of my life. Cause obviously I can’t deal with people and talk to them when I have problems with them. I suck at confronting people about problems because when I’m about to do it, I chicken out, and it’s like what am I supposed to say? “Stop picking on me” and sound like a huge cry baby? yeah I rather not. So I guess that’s why I just keep everything in and don’t talk to anyone about anything anymore.. a;lkfs;lkjf I can’t wait for this school year to be over and to go back home where I feel wanted and some what important. 

I just felt like I needed to get something off my chest. So don’t judge and assume. This is what a blogs meant for right? RIGHT.